Hello!
The staff of Adventures in Missions write/ post blogs to prepare those leaving for the 11 month journey of the World Race. The blogs can be subscribed to, just like my blogs can. If you subscribe, you automatically get the blog emailed to you. Though I wanted to go on the Race multiple times and years, I had only subscribed to the blog for this August 2022 one. I figured it was finally my time to launch.
I hadn’t read the blogs in quite some time, as Covid changed the requirements of the Race. I could not meet the requirements, so I was not leaving this coming August (that’s what led to Costa Rica). I had also forgotten that I had subscribed.
I found myself reading the most recent blog, however. It was about the color and letter for the squads that are leaving in August 2022. The squad color is red. This is the same color of the 2021 squad I thought I was going to leave with.
As my eyes began to take in the blog and my brain began to play “Eye of the Tiger,” my eyes filled with tears.
There I was picturing a (fighting) ring or a starting line, and I was again not there. The team was again clothed in red, but I was not. In the mental picture, I was in the crowd cheering and praying them on. Or, more likely, I was outside the arena with so much shame and disappointment and sadness that I was again not part of the team. I started to train with them, but again did not have what it took. I stood there outside the arenas hoping someone would see me. Outside the arenas realizing I’ve been in winter season for so long.
I hope and pray that this winter season is almost over. This season has seemed to last so long. There’s been so many tears, so much mourning. So much release of dreams.
But also so much healing. So much release of control. So much praying, loving those I thought I could never love. So much growth. Confirmation that I could still hear God, though I struggled believing it for a bit.
Another red team is advancing without me. But I will choose to step back into the arena. I will choose to cheer them on. When the time is right, I will leave the arena again. But not in shame, sadness, disappointment and hurt. I will leave the arena with joy and determination for the race that is set before me, the one that is mine to run, even if I’m not in red.
